Maybe We Should Just Stay Home?

Walking seems like an innocent activity, but it is particularly dangerous, often ensnaring children as young as 14 months.

"Everyone's doing it," is a common excuse walkers will use to justify their habit. Widely considered a gateway exercise, walking is sometimes recommended by jogging pushers who try to get the curious to start cutting their walks with higher potency bursts of running.

A certain amount of walking is essential in life. You have to get to the elevator somehow. But if you find yourself walking to nowhere in particular, it's time for a reality check. Side effects of walking include shortness of breath, swollen feet and toe jam.

Jogging

Jogging is a high-intensity exercise, which means it can cause a more potent high than walking. While they run to chase that intense euphoria known as a runner's high, joggers are also avoiding the tough question: What are you running from?

Side effects of jogging include dry mouth, nausea and chapped nipples.

Biking

Biking is kind of like jogging, but on wheels. It comes in several forms such as the Euro-style street racing in which riders often sport aerodynamic outfits and strap their feet in stirrups as they set off on routine 300-kilometre "fun rides."

Then there's the more rustic mountain biking which is practiced by hippies who seek a more natural, herbal high by riding bikes through woody, mountainous terrain.

Side effects of biking include low potassium, high potassium and devalued hockey cards due to spoke damage.

Hiking

People who walk on sidewalks are wimps. That's what hikers say. Hikers have been walking so long the thrill is gone. The rush they used to get from stepping on sidewalk cracks, wondering if their mother's backs were breaking, is no longer exciting.

In their risky search for the next thrill, hikers have moved the sidewalk stroll to nature, combining all the fun of putting one foot in front of the other with the threat of getting eaten by a bear. Side effects of hiking include turtle neck, Dutch elm disease and difficulty swallowing trail mix.

I hope I've provided enough information to allow you to make an informed decision as you encounter temptations to try these and other highly addictive, dangerous behaviours.

You'll face all kinds of peer pressure with strangers and even friends trying to coax you into trying something like Ultimate Frisbee, Nordic Walking or Zumba.

But you are strong. Strong enough to just stay home.